MRS. KING'S SCHOLARS

The Rules are ten sim­ple state­ments that become part of the com­mon lan­guage of a school. They are also ten cop­ing strate­gies that allow chil­dren to be suc­cess­ful in mak­ing changes. The Rules are easy for stu­dents and teach­ers to under­stand, remem­ber, and use. The Rules are eas­ily gen­er­al­ized from class­room to com­mon areas to home. Both adults and chil­dren can use the rules successfully.

THE RULES

1.      HANDS OFF! (That includes all body parts and bod­ily fluids.)

This rule is very impor­tant for chil­dren who tend to hit, spit, throw things, hug too tightly, or become aggres­sive in their exu­ber­ance or anger. It is a quick reminder not to do some­thing. It can be used in the class­room and on the play yard.

2.      M.Y.O.B. (Mind Your Own Business)

Stu­dents are often in every­one else’s busi­ness, which can cause a domino effect of prob­lems in a class­room or on the play yard. These stu­dents often get into oth­ers’ busi­ness as a way to avoid look­ing at their own con­cerns and prob­lems. This is a short reminder that both adults and chil­dren can use to remind the offender to mind their own busi­ness only.

3.      NAME IT, CLAIM IT, AND CHANGE IT! (Rec­og­nize what you are doing, take respon­si­bil­ity for your actions, and change your behavior.)

Often stu­dents can be really good at nam­ing it and blam­ing it, but not so good at tak­ing respon­si­bil­ity for their actions or being account­able for them. How­ever, we can­not make changes in our behav­ior if we are not respon­si­ble and account­able for them. This strat­egy reminds stu­dents (and adults too!) to be mind­ful of their behavior.

4.      LET IT GO, AND GO WITH THE FLOW!

Some chil­dren can get per­se­ver­a­tive or rigid regard­ing cer­tain issues or con­cerns. It can be likened to get­ting wrapped up around their own axle and unable to get out of their own way. Encour­ag­ing a deep breath and envi­sion­ing the stress flow­ing out of the child’s body can be a very effec­tive inter­ven­tion for these chil­dren, espe­cially when the student’s con­cern can­not be imme­di­ately addressed. This helps to teach delayed grat­i­fi­ca­tion as well.

5.      THE BIG “I” (Ignore the peo­ple and things that annoy you.)

What is the worst thing you can do to some­one? Yes, ignore them! This is a very valu­able skill for the stu­dents to learn, as there are always peo­ple and things that will annoy them in life. If we don’t give energy to some­one, they gen­er­ally go away or stop doing what­ever it is that is annoy­ing us. Ignor­ing that which is annoy­ing us is a very expe­di­ent way to keep us on track.

6.      LISTEN TO THE GROWN-​​UPS IN YOUR LIFE AND DO WHAT THEY SAY THE FIRST TIME — WITHOUT ARGUING!

This rule encom­passes school, home, sports teams, and most of life’s oppor­tu­ni­ties for our chil­dren. Many of our stu­dents argue first and lis­ten later. They also don’t often dif­fer­en­ti­ate between adults and chil­dren, erro­neously believ­ing every­one is equal to them. This rule reminds them adults have the edge and must be lis­tened to.

7.      BE RESPECTFUL IN ALL YOU SAY AND DO

This is a very broad rule that encom­passes so much, such as no swear­ing, no gos­sip­ing, no scream­ing, no yelling, and no bullying.

8.      THINK BEFORE YOU ACT OR SPEAK

This is an essen­tial rule for stu­dents to learn. Our dif­fi­cult chil­dren are often impul­sive in both actions and words. Each time they learn to slow down and give a thought­ful and mea­sured response, they are learn­ing a new way to be in the world that can help them be more effective.

9.      TURN IT AROUND! (You have the power to change what is going on in your life.)

Our stu­dents often get stuck in a mood or behav­ior and feel pow­er­less to change it. They explain and excuse their mood or behav­ior by say­ing it is the way it is. This rule reminds them that they have power over their moods and behav­iors, and they can change them if they choose to do so.

10.      DO IT DIFFERENTLY! (If it is not work­ing the way you are doing it, then do it differently.)

We often hear and see peo­ple do the same thing over and over again, all the time expect­ing a dif­fer­ent out­come. This rule teaches and encour­ages stu­dents to dare to be dif­fer­ent and try new strate­gies when han­dling situations.

These Rules were cre­ated by Vir­ginia Bassi, Ph.D. She can be con­tacted at Part­ners, 55 Mitchell Blvd., Suite 21, San Rafael, CA 94903